Having a Baby Changes Everything
Posted by Expecting Executive at 7/23/2007 10:55 AM and is filed under Maternity Leave,Child Care,General,Well Being,postpartum depression,working mom,life balance,motherhood,stay at home mother,Prenatal Care,pregnancy,expectingexecutive,Feminism,Mental Health,working mother 
"Having a Baby Changes Everything" is one of Johnson & Johnson's most popular television advertising campaigns. In these commercials, you see happy, clean, well fed children in middle to upper income houses interacting angelically with calm, happy, attractive parents. During the commercial, you hear a sweet and relaxing female voice reading the prepared text that infers that these ideal children are the reward for the reprioritization of a parent's life and career sacrifices made to accommodate playtime with your children. They are nice commercials. They make you smile and say "awww" outloud. They make you want to have children. You want to have these children. Johnson & Johnson knows how to sell parenthood. After I watched these commercials, I want these children and this life too. (watch commercials)
Well, not really. But, with these series of ads, Johnson & Johnson has provided just some of the many thousands of parenting images that we use to collectively establish our parenting expectations of ourselves and each other.
In my reality, the voiceover to accompany this commercial says:
Well, not really. But, with these series of ads, Johnson & Johnson has provided just some of the many thousands of parenting images that we use to collectively establish our parenting expectations of ourselves and each other.
In my reality, the voiceover to accompany this commercial says:
HEY! YOU! Listen to me carefully...having a baby changes everything. Literally! At Johnson & Johnson we cannot be more serious about this so we are going to say it again. Having a baby changes everything! And for a whole lotta you, it simply isn't going to look like this most of the time, if ever! For others of you, yeah, it may look like this sometimes...but not all of the time. And, if you spend your life trying and live up to this commercial expectation, it will probably make you crazy and result in divorce and weird kids. We suggest you should check you local TV listings for Rosanne reruns instead.
I have been reading books, blogs and forums on motherhood for a while now. Wow! There are thousands of them out there! Some books, website content and forum comments about motherhood are really nice and informative. Some are mean and judgmental. Some are really funny and some are incredibly boring. There are some helpful folks out there but there are plenty of people looking to steal your money as well. For many women, they are able wade through all of this information and take what they need. However, I am particularly bothered and saddened when I read blogs and posts from women (and some young girls) who are truthfully expressing their frustrations, concerns or disappointments with motherhood and they are then being personally attacked by responders. These posts are are often women looking for some support and understanding in e-communities and what they get is mean-spirited vitriol from completely unhelpful and judgmental women. I worry about that. Who is fueling these "mommy wars"?
Not everyone (men and women included) experiences a seamless transition into the role of parent after having a baby. For many, probably most, new parenthood is complicated, tiring, scary, boring, expensive and even disappointing. For many women, the reality of having a child does not even come close to the preconceived expectation of motherhood. You know, the Madonna and child vision that visits a pregnant woman's dreams for nine months. Or even the suggested ideal of the Johnson & Johnson commercials. This disillusionment, combined with the hormonal changes that occur after birth (not to mention any health complications, breastfeeding difficulties, colic, sleep deprivation, or any other possible life hurdle) often results in a new mother experiencing uncomfortable and disquieting feelings of sadness, resentment, regret, desperation, anger, hopelessness, confusion and depression.
Postpartum depression can be devastating for a new mother. The emotional weight of not embracing and thriving in the new motherhood experience is isolating, depressing, discouraging and demoralizing. These are women among you. Many are silent in fear of judgment that might reinforce the secret shame and guilt of not enjoying the new motherhood experience. It is not for anyone to proclaim that these women should never have a child in the first place. I find these "after the fact" statements uncalled for, unhelpful to both mother and child and shameful. It is our responsibility to collectively offer our kindness, encouragement and understanding.
HAVING A BABY CHANGES EVERYTHING!
Motherhood is complicated. Mothers need support. Not just new mothers, all mothers need support. A lifetime of support. When isolated mother's reach out to an the e-community for advice and reassurance as they struggle with their complicated feelings and situations of their motherhood journey, please be thoughtful when you feel compelled to judge these women from the comfort of your own perspective. Every woman's motherhood experience and circumstance is different. Those differences should be acknowledged and respected.
If you are a mother and feel overwhelmed, confused, scared, disappointed, unsure, regretful, depressed, hopeless, ashamed, resentful, lonely, abandoned or negatively judged regarding your reactions to motherhood, you have a safe community with ExpectingExecutive.com.
If you are a mother and feel amazed, overjoyed, delighted, inspired, fulfilled, happiness beyond all expectation, supported, thankful and thankful in your reaction to motherhood, you have a safe community with ExpectingExecutive.com.
If you are cruel, judgmental, threatening, accusatory or generally unkind...I suggest that this is not an appropriate environment to share your views, concerns and opinions.
At ExpectingExecutive.com, it is our mission to promote, encourage, include, support and assist today's busy mother. It is and will remain our core belief that every woman is beautiful, brave, strong and valuable. We will remain a kind and caring community and we will not abandon women in need of our support. We will rally around women who are struggling to reconcile their feelings. We will encourage women to be honest without reproach. We will celebrate diversity and uniqueness of our e-community. We will ask you to support one another.
At ExpectingExecutive.com we care about the woman. The woman who wants to be a mother and the woman who is now a mother. The woman who breastfeeds and the woman who formula feeds. The woman who stays at home while raising her children and the women who works while raising her children. The married woman and the unmarried woman. The wealthy woman and the indebted woman. The woman caring for aging parents and the woman worrying about caring for her aging parents. The religious woman and the agnostic woman. We are not concerned with your marital status, weight, income, education, skin color, religion, sexual preference, politics or beliefs unless they concern you.
Not everyone (men and women included) experiences a seamless transition into the role of parent after having a baby. For many, probably most, new parenthood is complicated, tiring, scary, boring, expensive and even disappointing. For many women, the reality of having a child does not even come close to the preconceived expectation of motherhood. You know, the Madonna and child vision that visits a pregnant woman's dreams for nine months. Or even the suggested ideal of the Johnson & Johnson commercials. This disillusionment, combined with the hormonal changes that occur after birth (not to mention any health complications, breastfeeding difficulties, colic, sleep deprivation, or any other possible life hurdle) often results in a new mother experiencing uncomfortable and disquieting feelings of sadness, resentment, regret, desperation, anger, hopelessness, confusion and depression.
Postpartum depression can be devastating for a new mother. The emotional weight of not embracing and thriving in the new motherhood experience is isolating, depressing, discouraging and demoralizing. These are women among you. Many are silent in fear of judgment that might reinforce the secret shame and guilt of not enjoying the new motherhood experience. It is not for anyone to proclaim that these women should never have a child in the first place. I find these "after the fact" statements uncalled for, unhelpful to both mother and child and shameful. It is our responsibility to collectively offer our kindness, encouragement and understanding.
HAVING A BABY CHANGES EVERYTHING!
Motherhood is complicated. Mothers need support. Not just new mothers, all mothers need support. A lifetime of support. When isolated mother's reach out to an the e-community for advice and reassurance as they struggle with their complicated feelings and situations of their motherhood journey, please be thoughtful when you feel compelled to judge these women from the comfort of your own perspective. Every woman's motherhood experience and circumstance is different. Those differences should be acknowledged and respected.
If you are a mother and feel overwhelmed, confused, scared, disappointed, unsure, regretful, depressed, hopeless, ashamed, resentful, lonely, abandoned or negatively judged regarding your reactions to motherhood, you have a safe community with ExpectingExecutive.com.
If you are a mother and feel amazed, overjoyed, delighted, inspired, fulfilled, happiness beyond all expectation, supported, thankful and thankful in your reaction to motherhood, you have a safe community with ExpectingExecutive.com.
If you are cruel, judgmental, threatening, accusatory or generally unkind...I suggest that this is not an appropriate environment to share your views, concerns and opinions.
At ExpectingExecutive.com, it is our mission to promote, encourage, include, support and assist today's busy mother. It is and will remain our core belief that every woman is beautiful, brave, strong and valuable. We will remain a kind and caring community and we will not abandon women in need of our support. We will rally around women who are struggling to reconcile their feelings. We will encourage women to be honest without reproach. We will celebrate diversity and uniqueness of our e-community. We will ask you to support one another.
At ExpectingExecutive.com we care about the woman. The woman who wants to be a mother and the woman who is now a mother. The woman who breastfeeds and the woman who formula feeds. The woman who stays at home while raising her children and the women who works while raising her children. The married woman and the unmarried woman. The wealthy woman and the indebted woman. The woman caring for aging parents and the woman worrying about caring for her aging parents. The religious woman and the agnostic woman. We are not concerned with your marital status, weight, income, education, skin color, religion, sexual preference, politics or beliefs unless they concern you.
It doesn't take a village to raise a child. It takes a village to support a mother raising a child.
Join our village at ExpectingExecutive Live Chat today.
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7/23/2007 5:56 PM
wrote:
Postpartum depression can be devastating for a new mother. The emotional weight of not embracing and thriving in the new motherhood experience is isolating, depressing, discouraging and demoralizing. These are women among you. Many are silent in fear of judgment that might reinforce the secret shame and guilt of not enjoying the new motherhood experience.
I didn't suffer from post-partum depression, but I still felt like I jumped off a hormonal cliff. Half the time, I still feel like I'm just flying through mid-air with this whole parenting thing. Never sure if I'll land safely, or if I'm going to get sucked into a jet engine. It is a journey, and it is not my right to judge anyone else on how they choose to travel.
http://momo-fali.blogspot.com
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Fair. A nice article covering all sides. I was a stay at home mom for 17 years. I'm not home just to keep the teem legal and to stop any fires that might occur. I am in school full time at the local community college as well. I think all moms should respect all other moms who are doing their very best. There is no ideal solution. Some people will judge you mo matter what. Unless I see abuse, I like the theory of they are your child you need to do what is right for you and your family. No guilt allowed.
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Thank you for this entry...it saddens me to see moms attacking each other when we're all at diff't places just trying to do our very best. It's new to us all and we need to work together...whether you're young, old, poor, rich, we ALL want the very best for our kids.
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Idealized visions of motherhood can be a real instrument of torture when a new mother is just trying to survive those first few months! Great post!
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I love how you closed this post. Oh, what I would give for a village...!!!
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